Why is it the tough guy always gets the girl? Is it because of that elusive quality we call “macho?” And, what is macho? To be sure it has an effect on the way men see the world. What happens when macho meets mania and depression?
To be macho is to be in control; masterful in all that a man does, confident. This sounds like a prescription for success. A man is aggressive, gets what he wants, and dominates. Of course all this is an illusion. Living in the real world is to be bombarded with doubts and struggles at every turn. Control, at best, is intermittent. Competition gives way to cooperativeness, but what happens if you end up a bipolar male? Mania thrives on control, the feeling of being invincible as long as you’re up. You can do anything, and quite often you can do it easily. All of this is fine until you cycle into depression. Then, there is no macho. The masculine imperative gets stuck. It’s then that shame moves in, the lack of having personal power. “You can’t get no respect,” as Rodney
Dangerfield used to lament. Talk about the image of the ineffectual man; he’s it.
Men often define themselves by the ability to do work. When their minds are muddled, it is hard to focus. The respect a man derives from his family as the breadwinner is threatened. The loss of leadership in a family or in a relationship gives way to shame. Often, conflict erupts and depression sets in.
So, what’s the option: seeking treatment, trying to regain lost masculinity, or coming to terms with your vulnerability? Sometimes men who have traveled the road of recovery come to find another power, the life of the spirit or spiritual. After the fall from grace, after recognizing the chaos mental illness can bring, comes a re-ordering or priorities. Learning to live with bipolar disorder is an education in humility, having gratitude for the calm that comes from facing an obstacle. One becomes a different sort of man. With the loss of macho comes the wisdom of acceptance, living in a world of physical limits and spiritual possibilities. To be strong ultimately, is to be strong emotionally, as well as mentally and to pass that wisdom on to others. To be a man is to teach what is from within.
Tools for Acceptance
- Create a spiritual path within your life.
- Seek skills that create calm for you.
- Do physical exercise.
- Join a church.
- Learn to meditate
- Seek a counselor to work with.
- Take up a handcraft as a hobby.
- Listen to music
- Join a men’s support group.
- Encourage others to share their stories & become a listener.
- Join a 12-step group.
2 comments:
Oh, cool . . .
Thank you so much for talking about the inner strength of men. I am always delighted when I find this quality in a man -- and, I learn, it often comes as a result of having to learn humility the hard way. I get that it is a quality deserving of respect.
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
Marie,
After reviewing your website I can certainly understand your being able to appreciate a man with humility. It's true it often comes from having had to struggle with his own identity. It is to your credit you have been able to avoid closing the book on men generally and instead come to appreciate men who have come through their own ordeal and found a maleness which is informed by a sense of acceptence and spirituality. In my profession this mindset is referred to as a "wounded healer", someone who has been there and now helps others with a similar view. Thanks for commenting on my blog.
Post a Comment