Anger Mania

My wife and I were recently talking about my anger outbursts. Yes, I was over it but my wife was not. Sometimes, it leaves a scar.

I’m not an angry person. I’m normally a nice guy, a caring guy. My wife often says, "You’re a wonderful husband," then after a short pause adds, "most of the time."

I grew up in a loud family. My father discussed things at 125 decibels. I was always fearful of his occasional outbursts, as they made me feel small and afraid. I learned at an early age that the power of control and speaking over someone were ways to attain my point in a discussion or argument. I used that loud voice for effect and advantage until one day when I tried to end an argument with my sister by shouting. She suddenly burst into tears, "Please don’t yell at me, Don. It upsets me." That message was received clearly. I made a conscious decision to no longer use my voice for control.

But it didn’t stop there. It dwells in my marriage of 25 years. It resonates when I discipline my grandsons. "Stop yelling at me," my wife says. I am quick to reply. "I’m not yelling at you. I’m just raising my voice." The best defense is a good offense, or so I believe.

I love my grandsons. I am a proud grandfather. There are, however, times I have to discipline them; sometimes out of frustration from their misbehavior. At those times I yell at them to stop. They are immediately fearful. The six year old may break into tears and will say to me. "Poppy, it makes me feel sad when you yell at me.” Initially, I regarded his statement as a manipulation to avoid being reprimanded, but I have come to understand he is expressing a genuine feeling of hurt and fear. I now try to keep my voice calm when I need to teach him a correct behavior. I want him to love me and enjoy our time together, not be fearful and on guard.

Being bipolar doesn’t make any of this easier. Rather, it only complicates matters when I raise my voice. I am left in a quandary the likes of which brings up a question disturbing in nature. Is my yelling anger? Is it an episode? Is it a symptom of bipolar disorder? Or is it simply normal? In fact, where does normal leave off, and manic excess begin? I hope to answer that question in future posts, or at least shed some light on the matter.


Pata said...

I often wonder the same thing. Where does angry pata stop and where does bipolar begin. Thanks for sharing. I don't feel so alone.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting questions.. My therapist told me that an episode or crisis (I have borderline personality disorder) is easy to see because my emotions go so over the top that I end up having self destructive behaviors, sometimes yelling at my loved ones as well.

Thank you for sharing,
I wish you all the best and you're welcome to visit my blog anytime :)

Anonymous said...

Good blog. Sharing our experience can be such a help to people who feel alone. You can see my experiences at as well.

Barbie Chiu said...

Anger is the most difficult and hard emotion to handle thus it is very manageable. As a person it is normal so do not be hesitant.

Humaun Kabir said...

Hi nice Post written by you. It is amazing and wonderful to visit your site. Thank a ton for such a nice post.
bipolar disorder

Pamela Parker said...

The decision to find a detox center or drug or alcohol rehab is the first step toward a new, healthy life.
Addiction center Indianapolis
Addiction center Indy


As a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from Bipolar Disorder, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My husband suffered Bipolar Disorder and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony of so many people who was cured from Bipolar Disorder. and so many other with similar body problem, and they left the contact of this doctor who had the herbal cure to Bipolar Disorder. I never imagined Bipolar Disorder has a cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life.Bipolar Disorder has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony .

Post a Comment