Bipolar Disorder – The Fifth Commandment

I never understood the fifth commandment, “Honor Thy Father and Mother,” never that is until my father died. I was not certain I understood what, “Honoring Thy Father,” meant. I loved and respected him, but wasn’t of like mindset and didn’t particularly share his view of life. In 1979, the year he died, I assumed that would be the end of our relationship. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Still, what does “honoring” mean? And why is that relevant to a blog post related to mental illness?

My mother, who lived to see my recovery from bipolar disorder, was instrumental to my recovery. She saw me marry, attain a master’s degree, and have a relationship with my stepdaughters. My father did not. He only knew me as mentally ill. While not contentious, there was a gap between my father and me. I never felt I understood him, what had driven him, or what his past looked like to him.

Having had a strong recovery since 1984, I often reflect on what my father would say if he saw me today, 25 years on meds without an episode, a successful mental health professional with a private practice, a 22 year marriage, and two grandsons. He would be proud. In the ensuing years since my stabilization, I have come to understand him through my own experience as an aging adult with a painful back that can make me feel irritable and silent, while trying to also ignore my pain and the struggles of self-employment in a time of a turndown in the economy.

My relationship with my father did not end when he died. He is with me when life’s markers are celebrated; he is with me when I wonder what his response would be to the success I am so proud of; he is with me when I make a difficult decision and choose wisely.

My father still continues to give wise counsel when I think of how he would see things. For me, my life struggle has been to recover and remain recovered from bipolar disorder. I know my father would be proud of my diligence to the task at hand.

Now stabilized, I am able to understand clearly the man my father was. I respect and appreciate him for the values he raised me with, and the tenacity and persistence I have gained from his example. I could not express my gratitude when in the throes of an episode. And so, I honor to the man my father was. To honor is to remember with gratitude