Recently, while speaking with my sister, the topic of conversation was my adult niece who has bipolar disorder. She needs to get into therapy, my sister said, but she keeps avoiding the diagnosis.
Although diagnosed in her twenties, she had been on again off again about taking medication, but at this point in time, she had finally come to terms with her illness; enough so that she now takes her meds regularly. It is the one concession she has made to her bipolar disorder diagnosis. If she would see a therapist also, my sister commented, she would at least get educated about her illness. My sister often laments my niece's lack of interest and curiosity about an illness that so pervades her life on an everyday basis. Our discussion carried me back to my earlier attitude then about my own bipolar diagnosis. It eerily rang similar to my niece’s attitude. This struck me as odd since I had read innumerable books on the subject and deal with the illness every day as a specialty in my psychotherapy practice.
Maybe she’s not ready for it, I told my sister.
But, isn’t that the preferred treatment, medication and psychotherapy? She isn’t taking care of herself and would be doing so much better if she’d just educate herself.
This same conversation reminded me of one I’d had with my wife early on in our marriage, more than 20 years ago. Upon asking me what I knew about my bipolar diagnosis, I answered, not much.
But, don’t you want to know more about something that impacts your life so profoundly?
I lived it for over twelve years, I said. I don’t care about learning, I just want to resume my life and be normal. That’s all I care about. I take my medication, and it works for me.
We now know medication and psychotherapy are the best combination for successful treatment of bipolar illness, and at the same time, I understand the reluctance to take meds and seek help, my niece’s stance, though it may conflict with my given wisdom.
Eventually, I did choose to seek education and treatment until today I have become an expert on the illness, writing and speaking publicly about it. Let me live my life; let me recover my bearings and move forward on the every day factors that mean the most: work, relationship, and social life. Let me just feel normal again. Stepping back from the abyss of mental illness and the chaos it brings, let me rejoin the world. Education can wait, until the first step in recovery — to feel human again. When the terror of life-long stigma and disability begins to subside, all things come in time. Patience, I counsel, Patience.
One Aspect on the Road to Bipolar Recovery
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I can relate to the issue of not necessarily being ready for therapy early on in the diagnosis. Another part is that there is some work to be done in finding a good therapist and knowing what one wants out of it as is there anything worse than going into a therapist's office and being asked, "What could I help you with today?" and just not having an answer? I don't know if there is, but I can say that I've been down that road at times and it really isn't a lot of fun. There is also the potential anxieties and other issues that just seeking help from a mental health professional can cause.
Dear JBKing:
Thank you for your comment.I am reminded of what a client goes through in coming to therapy. Through your eyes, I am being reminded my view is one of the therapist, forgetting I, too, am a consumer and client. From your view, the issue of being in therapy is frequent anxiety and maybe even some skepticism. My view is to see the benefit in what I do. It was helpful to hear your comment because it expresses so well the attitude of those who had had little or no touch with therapy and its attendent anxities. It's user friendly to me. You jarred me into a memory of what it was like for me 30-40 years ago when I sought therapy largely as a cojnsumer and how I was uncomfortable, skeptical, and anxious about the whole process. Thank you for putting me back in touch. To the extent mental health professionals put themselves in their clients' shoes, are we able to be helpful to the clients we serve.
Donald Kern, MFT
I appreciate your blogs so much. I feel so alone. My husband is bipolar and taking meds. I try to talk to him about educating himself about it so he can learn how to cope with it but he gets mad and defenive when I bring it up and thinks his medication should make him "better." I am scared because his unstable behavior from being bipolar and having an addictive personality is destroying our marriage. I have tried everything I know to help and be by his side but he just pushes me away. I don't want to think of not being with him but I don't know how much more my own mental state can take. Do you really believe that someone like this can change with therapy?
To ntedesco
The fact that there are struggles and stress when a family member has bipolar disorder cannot be denied. If the ill individual is in denial of their illness, it is particularly difficult. Much of this lack of desire to do something about it is the result of ignorance of symptoms.The hallmark of any major mental illness is lack of insight.You can get a loved one to comply with medication and perhaps even go to therapy, but there will be no healing until he recognizes he has a problem and it isn't going to go away.Only time will dictate whether he will take the steps necessary to work on recovery.Can people change? Yes! Can those with bipolar illness get serious about this and adhere to a regimen which will help them step into recovery? Yes! The harder question to answer is when; when will they accept a diagnosis?Meanwhile, the least one can do is take his meds and keep a healthy lifestyle.The rest, educating himself, being honest with himself and his significant other about their issues, and going for therapy, all depnd on their attitude. Stigma is also a factor.Acceptance comes with a price, but so do mania and depression.Whether your spouse will make changes depends on him. You can only support his getting into treatment. The larger picture is, can your patience outlast his lack of resolve and/or lack of insight.Quite often these things only come with pain. Unhappiness is sometimes the only thing that can motivate.It is a beginning.
Donald Kern, MFT
Post a Comment